But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.
We carry the treasure of the Gospel in these earthen vessels that are easily broken, because when we are most broken, Christ is most beautiful. This Scripture tells us that even if we be broken and struck down, we are not destroyed.
But this week, I confess to you that my family feels destroyed. I feel destroyed.
Calm Before the Storm
A week ago, I felt overjoyed. Our family had suffered through 8 months of cancer. It seemed as though Daisy had beaten it. We had seen God do so much. We were celebrating – Daisy wanted to go to Hawaii, so we did, as a family. She wanted to swing on vines, and we did. She wanted to swim with turtles, and we did. It was the best time of our lives. While we were there, Daisy began to have stomach pains. We thought she had too much shave ice. My wife put a ban on shave ice – who goes to Hawaii and can’t eat shave ice? We thought it was constipation, so we were giving her laxatives and flax oil and she was pooping her little guts out.
Preaching Christ, our Treasure
We got home Friday at 1:30 in the morning and left for LA just over 24 hours later to fly to San Francisco, where I preached on Christ as our greatest treasure. I talked about my daughter’s previous battle with cancer and how Christ became more beautiful in our family because of suffering.
That night, we were heading out to dinner in San Francisco, and we received a call from the friend who was watching our kids. She told us that Daisy’s stomach was hurting her badly, and she didn’t know what to do. Kate and I immediately flew home to be with Daisy, and the next morning, we took her to her doctor. The pediatrician recommended we go to the ER, so we did, and they performed at CAT Scan.
“It’s Back”
When the results came back, the surgeon pulled us into a hallway, and pulled up the image of her CAT scan and there was the tumor. He looked at us and said: “It’s back. And it’s the size of a grapefruit.” The previous tumor she had since birth and it took 5 years to grow to the size of a Nerf football, but this one grew to the size of a grapefruit in weeks.
For some reason, it was so much harder to hear this time than last time. I think it was because we were so convinced this was finished. I had to go back into Daisy’s room and tell her. I had to look into her beautiful eyes and tell her, “Your tumor is back.”
We wept. Kate and I wept uncontrollably on the floor. When we were able to speak, to pray, the first prayer that I prayed was, “Jesus, we still trust You.”
Surgery and Statistics
They took her into surgery on Wednesday morning, and removed one-third of the tumor. The rest is considered inoperable. It’s connected to her stomach and other major organs, and her aorta. They performed the tests and her tumor has favorable histology (responsive to chemotherapy) and is not anaplastic. Her proposed rate of cure is 30-50%. So there is a 50-70% chance that she won’t make it. The chances are she won’t make it.
I’m thankful that my God is not limited by statistics and yet I also know that God allows children to die. We feel destroyed. We have to tell ourselves this week that though we are struck down, by faith we are not destroyed. My wife and I had to sit down and talk about this fact: that only good things have come from Daisy’s first battle with cancer. Innumerable good things have come from that…more on that later this week. The full message I gave yesterday is below.
Trusting Jesus,
Britt
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23 Comments
Comment by Ashley — July 19, 2010 @ 2:40 pm
My husband and I do not know you and your family, but through friends have heard of and followed your daughter’s journey with cancer. We have cried over it, prayed for Daisy and have tried to put ourselves in your shoes, as we have a young daughter also. We have shared her story with others at our church, and we are all lifting up precious Daisy in prayer. Give her a big hug from her brothers and sisters in Christ! She is an inspiration to us
Though we have never met her, we are all adopted as family through our wonderful Jesus, and God has truly placed her on our hearts. May God heal your little girl, and use her to spread His love and joy to many. Love in Christ…
Comment by Brittain Ave. — July 19, 2010 @ 3:44 pm
My roommates and I have been praying daily for sweet Daisy. Her journey has been the topic of conversation over the last few weeks. We know that we serve a big and beautiful God and that He controls both our brightest and darkest days. But in the darkest of days, how sweet it is to know that people across the world are coming together to pray. We lift up your family every morning and praise God for Daisy’s story.
We sent a little present by mail over the weekend so hopefully you’ll get it soon and Daisy Love will have some new accessories
Praying, crying, loving, thanking and rejoicing with you.
The girls of Brittain Ave.
Comment by Amy — July 19, 2010 @ 4:35 pm
You all are in my prayers! I have a friend whose little girl also has a Wilms tumor. It breaks my heart to see little ones suffer! Your faith is evident and your honesty with struggles humbling. Jesus is always good even when life stinks! Hugs and love and many prayers for your family!
In our Savior Jesus,
Amy and family
Comment by Connie Magruder — July 19, 2010 @ 5:56 pm
Hi Daisy, you are a very brave girl and God is smiling at you, when we go thru hard times is when we can see God’s face, is when we feel his love and embrace and protection God has the ultimate word to decide what he does in our lives. My husband and I are praying for you Daisy, be strong and fight, we love you in Christ’s love.
Comment by keribender — July 19, 2010 @ 7:57 pm
We love you guys so much, and are praying for you constantly. Your honesty has been so touching and so absolutely precious to us- thank you for being real and sharing this part of your life with us. I know in my mind that God is bigger, God is greater and I’ve been so challenged to truly cling to that as I pray for Daisy; I can only imagine, you guys. Pauls prayer in Eph 3:16-21 (esp.v.18-19) has become especially meaningful in light of all this, and I’m praying that for you, Kate, Isaiah and Daisy daily.
So much love, Merricks- so much.
Comment by Rachelle — July 19, 2010 @ 8:13 pm
All of my friends and family are praying for Miss Daisy and your entire family. My little girl, Liv (6 yrs), was diagnosed with Wilms Tumor on August 14, 2009, her second day of kindergarten. She finished her chemo on March 4th and we continue her follow up appointments.
Many powerful prayers coming your way!
Love,
The Antinetti Family
Comment by Lauri Balbi — July 19, 2010 @ 8:55 pm
Last week we found out that my seventeen year old niece has some type of bone cancer in her left leg. I immediately sent out prayer requests and my daughter sent back the link to your sweet Daisy’s story. My daughter moved from Sacramento to Santa Barbara last fall and is coming to your church with her roommates. Yesterday while in Ventura on vacation we all went to your service. Your story is so touching and gives us all hope that God will work for good in what our family is going through also. We have our daisies here and will continue to pray that our God will perform a miraculous healing in both Daisy and Cathy.
Comment by Meredith White — July 19, 2010 @ 9:26 pm
I saw a link to this page on a friend’s facebook at 12:01 in the morning. Suffering draws us closer. Facebook is so worldly but God uses the most creative ways to show his face. Only he can get a 21-year-old college student who will soon be a teacher of young children just like your daugher praying desparately for a beautiful young stranger named Daisy. Tell Daisy that God is bigger than the boogie man. I don’t care how old you are. That is comforting to me.
I love all of you and think your life is a beautiful picture of God’s mysterious hand. Fake a smile when you have to and you will soon forget you were faking it.
Hugs from Chattanooga, TN.
Meredith
Comment by Megan Parrera — July 19, 2010 @ 10:15 pm
Daisy and Family, We love you all so much and you are in our daily thoughts and prayers. You have been such an inspiration to my family and I. Over the last year I have been struggling with cancer and all of the emotional hardships it brings. I am 28 years old and I have three children Kai, kadence, and Isla. I struggled with why these kinds of things happen to us, and your family has been such an amazing example of christ and his love. All of your Bible verses and messages have helped along the way of my journey and helped to strengthen my relationship with christ. Daisy is a beautiful child of God and one thing that was conforming to me when I was visited in the hospital by a church elder…. (I was struggling with death & the possibility of leaving my children behind) and he said to me “who is the only one who loves your children more than you? Who can take care of them better than you can? and the answer is God……. I know when it comes to our children we believe that we love them more deeply and can protect them better than anyone but I know God has a special plan for Daisy and although we do not understand his timing and plan……my prayer is that God will touch her and heal her as he did for me…. Our God is the almighty physician and not bound by the science of medicine, he has the power to heal and my heart is so heavy…… I pray that Daisy would be healed miraculous and not have to endure the hardship of chemo again. Give her body the strength to endure this second trial and please father comfort her and give her peace that passes all understanding. Cast out the enemy and fill their families thoughts with hope and the plan you have for Daisy. Please Lord have mercy on Daisy and heal her. Amen My family will not stop praying for Daisy. Please post your specific pray request and we will pray adamantly. Your sister in Christ, at Calvary Chapel chino hills Megan Parrera meglparrera@yahoo.com
Comment by Meredith White — July 19, 2010 @ 10:17 pm
This is my tears of a teacher prayer poem. It has been growing steadily in the few years I have spent working towards being a teacher this year. Each child in this poem holds a special place in my heart and now Daisy does too.
I pray for you my little friend
With your short stubby hands
And squinty-eyed smile
I pray for you
You underestimated Einstein
If only I knew what you were thinking
I pray for you
My beautiful tight-lipped friend
With long dark hair
And eyes that spoke of the world
And all of the amazing and scary things
They had seen
I wish you had spoke of them sooner
I pray for you my long-legged jumping bean
With feet that thought the ground was lava
I pray for you my curly-cued neck squeezer
Who chased me down in the sanctuary on Sunday
How come you waited five years to talk
And when you did it was almost “Goodbye?”
I pray for you my val-In-tin Picaso
Thank you for always being “the best”
And for delivering my card to me at lunch
Along with a hug
I pray for you my Conyers buddy
Who smiled at everyone
You didn’t even know me
And I wanted to know you
Everyone else did and I was jealous
I pray for you my friend for a minute
Who I saw but never saw me
If only I explored the world as well
As someone without their sight
I will never forget the touch of your tiny hand
Or the way your bare feet knew the way
Through the muddy grass
I pray for you Peter
You became the face of the boy
In the world in the back of the wardrobe
You had his same fight
And stubborn personality
And you became my muse
I thought if I could figure you out
I was meant to be a teacher
And I am
I pray for you
Yes, I pray for you
Once is enough
Once is enough
I pray for you and all of the wishes
In your wish journal
The ones we had to spell out for you
The ones you wrote on your own
And the ones that never reached the page
May all of your wishes come true
I pray for you in the back of the room
Too cool to sit any closer
You laugh because you think it is all you can do
But I know you better
And I know you would love that book
If you only believed
You could become a great reader
I pray for you
Who screamed and hid under the table
From a teacher who loved you
Who probably cried at home
Because she cared for you that much
And wished she could fix
What you were really hiding from
I pray for you
Miss Blondie
Who looks too hard for love
Because you don’t yet love yourself
I hope someday you do
Like everybody else
I pray for you little one
Who would never wake up from your nap
And screamed when hauled off your mat
And sucked your thumb raw
And bit when you were mad
I had to find a way to make you smile
Cookie Monster did the trick
And swings if we never went inside
You were my favorite little monster
No one’s first words
Should be the only ones you ever said
You were too young to hear them
I hope your vocabulary soars
As high as you liked to go on the swings
I pray for you
With your 22 cats
And clothes that don’t fit
I hope those cats bring you friendship
When you struggle to find it
And softness when life gets too hard
And solace when you need to find peace
I pray for you oh shy quiet one
With a singing voice as strong as a river
And as pure as angel whispers
We will know our Savior when we come to him
By the marks where the nails have been
Thank you for the bittersweet picture
Of what is to come
Never let yourself disappear
Your beauty deserves to be heard and seen
I pray for you who will not be overlooked
I pray that they understand you aren’t trying to stand out
You just do
That is you
I pray that you don’t get ignored
Just because you are always noticed
I hope people see more than trouble
And don’t try to drown out your voice
May you be drawn to the opposite
That you need to find in a friend
I pray for you
Refreshing sunshine
Never let the world break
Your contagious soaring spirit
I promise there is more light than darkness
I pray for you Ms. Giggles
Who cries herself to sleep
I pray to the Lord that when you wake
Your safety he did keep
I pray that you remember
His hand is stronger
Than any hand that ever comes near you
I pray for you dear girl
Who only prays for everyone else
I wish I knew what prayers to say for you
I pray for you child
Whose body does not show her strength
Who couldn’t climb up the steep steps alone
But tried as hard a she could
Carrying you up the mountain comes to mind sometimes
When I feel I need carrying
I pray for you Ms. Smarty Pants
Who will make for a very insistent
Parent or teacher one day
I am glad your parents didn’t believe
When the doctors kept saying you wouldn’t
You can crawl; you can talk;
And Babygirl, you’re starting to walk
May as well learn to run while you are at it
And challenge those doctors to a race
I pray for you, my new friend
With gold stud earrings
Who mixed up the play-dough
I’m glad you spend so much of your day
In a place full of laughs and smiles
Remember when you feel like nobody cares
There are people like me who do
I pray for you dear child who was forced to bloom so fast
Your unique name fits your bright personality
May the storm clouds never darken your spirit
But only refresh your soul and firm your stalk
Never let hospital walls block out your sunshine
Or umbrellas and rubber boots
Keep you from dancing in the rain
I can’t wait to see you
When all of our worries are gone
…And hear you
…And hug you
…And cry happy tears
To replace all the ones I cried for you before.
Comment by Joseph Natale — July 20, 2010 @ 5:56 am
I fell asleep dreaming for your all last night. I dreamt that my 18 year old son who died 11 years ago came back from heaven to visit.
It was so real.
First he stood before a large crowd and confirmed his testimony of faith in Christ and encouraged everyone to be patient for our great home to come.
Then he came home to our family dinner. We all celebrated his being alive!
After dinner we went for a walk while we waited for his son Avery, who we have been raising to come so they could see each other. At one point we just turned and hugged and cried at how amazing it was that he was truly alive!
Normally I know when I am dreaming. I dream in color but never feel emotions or can touch and smell… but this was so real. I could feel his tears on my cheeks when we were holding each other crying in amazement. I could smell him and feel his embrace and hear his voice.
I have had a few dreams like this about my son. He is always coming from God to bring me good news, and joyful anticipation of what awaits us in heaven.
Then I awoke and could feel your broken hearts, Britt and Kate. I could see you on the ground weeping with a pain that goes beyond human capacity to endure.
And so I pray for for you and wish I could give you the same embrace that our son gave me last night… a hug of comfort, peace and joyful anticipation of our holy greeting in the clouds!
Be filled with faith in the truth of this dream, for surely whether it be now or in 100 years, we will all be caught up in the clouds to meet our Holy Father and one another in an eternal embrace of joy!
I love you all so much and know that I am walking with you in this trial as a father who has lost a son.
Comment by peggy avila — July 20, 2010 @ 9:06 am
hi daisy! i was listening to your dad’s teaching about earthen vessels- i call them clay pots. i love this teaching in the Bible and how God uses us (cracked pots) for His glory. i like making things with clay (remember the tortoise with your name on it?) and i think you would too. when it is a good time, i can show you how to make pinch pots and you can put your fingerprints all over them (just like God, the Master Potter put His fingerprints all over us!). it is fun to give the clay gifts to people you love (like i love you!) so they will always think of you. if you want to make pinch pots together (it is easy and fun and you can even make them in bed!) tell santino and serafina’s mommy and daddy and they will tell me and i will come over and we will have some fun!!!!! maybe your brother will want to have some fun with clay too! i am praying for you and i am excited to meet you. love, mrs. avila
Comment by Maribel Kusen — July 20, 2010 @ 9:48 am
hi Daisy,
you don’t know me or my family, but I just wanted to let you know that I have a 4 yr old daughter Zoey who is praying for you every day. I also have you in my heart daily and pray that the awesome Lord takes your pain and gives you strength to endure what is to come. You are a beautiful little girl and your faith and strength are beyong encouraging to me and my family. You have encouraged me to pray with more zeal, and to have a deeper and stronger faith. No matter what happens, you are an angel on earth and a precious gift to us all. I lift up your brother and parents who have to watch you suffer, and I pray the Lord gives them a peace that surpasses all understanding. I cannot fathom the pain you all are enduring. I cannot begin to understand how you are all feeling, but my heart is very very heavy. I weep daily for all of you and pray for a miracle on your little body. We love you Daisy Love and God loves you googloplex times more!
Comment by Aria — July 20, 2010 @ 12:21 pm
“Her proposed rate of cure is 30-50%. So there is a 50-70% chance that she won’t make it. The chances are she won’t make it.”
Please don’t say that. When I was a child, I was so sick I was dead twice. Multiple other times my odds of making it just until the next morning was 5% – if being very optimistic. I was given no odds for living to see my 18th birthday. Life became less about trying to get well and solely about seeing the next day. I saw my 18th birthday.
When I was 20, I spent six weeks in a come with severe toxemia, the source of which was never found, blue in the face from blood ox being being 60%, fever between 105 and 107, my organs slowly shutting down. I wasn’t expected to be more than a vegetable if I lived, and I wasn’t expected to live. I lived, and I eat veggies for dinner.
There’s no guarantee any one person will get better. There’s no guarantee lightning won’t strike me dead five seconds from now. But there’s always a good chance of getting well, especially for children. I know because it happened to me. I lost my large intestine, most of the blood in my body, my body attacking itself so severely they had to slow down the function of some organs to stop it, the try to turn them back on while battling against my body battling against itself. Nine years after that coma, after more surgeries, I’m sitting here also in Carp, with my baby girl, living a pretty normal life.
Do not give up or let yourself slide into the mindset that she “probably won’t make it.” Because she very well could.
I’d like to offer the help of me and my family in any way we can. Whether it’s to make a dinner for your family one night, whatever you need. This is a small town, and communities need to pull together to help each other when there’s a need. My family’s been on the receiving end of help, and it was needed. Let me know what my family and I can do for you and yours.
Comment by Kristen — July 20, 2010 @ 6:59 pm
My 5-year-old wants to send Daisy a picture for her hospital room but, “More important, Mommy, I want to make something for Isaiah because it has to be really hard and even a little scary for him to watch his little sister go through all this cancer stuff.” And from our 4-year-old, “Mommy, when Daisy was kissing that globe do you think she kissed Minnesota? Because that is where we are and we are praying for her every day…”
It is always morning somewhere in the world, Merricks.
~From Kristen, a regular attender of Reality when it was the college ministry at Calvary.
Comment by Renee Shepard — July 20, 2010 @ 8:48 pm
The Lord gave me this verse for your family… “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find [Me], when you search for Me with all your heart.
We are mourning with you and praying fervently for little Daisy Love here at Calvary Arroyo Grande
Comment by Orual — July 21, 2010 @ 9:03 am
Thank you for sharing this story. I know no words, especially words of a stranger, can ease your pain, but I will be praying for your family and your little girl. Few people truly understand what it means to be struck down and not destroyed, and it gives me so much hope to hear of people who endure so much and who can still praise the Lord.
Comment by Elva — July 21, 2010 @ 9:22 am
Hi Britt,
You were our family pastor for several years. My children and I loved hearing about Daisy Love and her wonderful spirit. We were crushed to hear the news. We will pray. We send Daisy Love, you and the rest of the family love and blessings.
Elva
Comment by Bonnie Fearer — July 21, 2010 @ 6:37 pm
Your brothers and sisters at Santa Barbara Community Church are praying for Daisy, and for the whole Merrick family.
Comment by Max — July 22, 2010 @ 9:34 pm
Hi Britt,
I came accross your story by chance. I am a huge fan of your father’s work and while checking the CI Blog, I found out about Daisy.
I am not a believer neither litterate in any religion. I am just a father of a little girl, just like Daisy.
I don’t really pray, but I truly wish that Daisy recovers and gets rid of the pain. I sincerly hope that she will go through that tough ride and be again a healthy girl.
All my thoughts are with you guys and I’ll come back to the website sometimes to check up on Daisy.
Be strong.
Max
Comment by erica — July 27, 2010 @ 1:32 pm
Hi Britt and Kate,
You have never met me; but I want you to know how encouraged I am by your hope and faith in God in all of this. I attend Azusa Pacific, and a couple of my friends consistently talk about Daisy. I had no idea what they meant until today–for the past hour–I have been reading her website/blog. And although you both have never met me, I am more encouraged by your trust in God than I can comprehend.
All the pictures and videos I just watched are so sweet. Hard, yet beautiful in seeing how joyful and bright Daisy is.
I am praying for her. Her recovery. Her life.
Pingback by Mothers With a Dream 4 Christ » STRUCK DOWN….. — July 27, 2010 @ 9:00 pm
[...] STRUCK DOWN BUT NOT DESTROYED [...]
Comment by shawna — July 30, 2010 @ 2:42 pm
I fervently pray for you and your family. I lost a loved little one to cancer (my nephew who was 2). The battle with cancer is formidable and I agree with you that there just MUST be a better way than chemo and radiation. Our little Sammy’s tumor was similarly inoperable. Although Sammy did not stay with us, I believe that God called him home for a multitude of reasons. Strangers show their kindness and generosity, family comes together and God gives us the opportunity to lean wholly upon Him.
I KNOW that our God is greater than cancer. I know that our God has reasons for everything. Daisy is spreading God’s word and his love through her strength in battling this awful disease. Please tell Daisy that she is a shining light for Jesus.
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